18th January 2018
One would assume our festive guests quite fancied das Kunst Kabaret?
One may also assume that a Kunst shaped hole has developed in many a Manchester heart since the curtain fell on Kunst Kabaret for its final time in December.
12 weeks truly flew by; word spread like wild fire, crowds flooded, many swooned and some even swore to never step foot in another establishment on a Tuesday night ever again. How dramatic! (We’re obviously a fan.)
In fact, since it’s closing night (a rather magnificent showtime affair) our phones haven’t stopped ringing, the papers went mad for it and quite frankly, you haven’t stopped going on about our Kunst all year! We get it. Its wunderbar!
So back by popular and albeit, very persistent demand, KUNST IS RETURNING NEXT WEEK! Oh, ja!
What’s more, we don’t do things by halves here. Quite the contrary. So, we’re not just welcoming back ONE evening of entertainment, we’re bringing you TWO.
Talking of two, two grand pianos will be back under the Schloss roof, taking endless requests from the Wednesday lot of you. That’s right, Baby Grand Slam will be doing its crowd roaring usualness as per next Wednesday.
Just don’t be a fool and miss out.
Schloss mid-week shenanigans will resume on the 23 rd & 24th January.
Thank you for being our guest and don’t forget to join us for 50% Schloff throughout January!...
8th January 2018
noun: an immersive character performer who enhances a spectator’s experience, through interactive play and multi-faceted disciplines including; song, dance, improvisation, circus, burlesque and drag.
synonyms: thespian, artiste, artist, entertainer, trouper
A category of colourful, crazy, wonderful, ridiculous, impromptu characters that sometimes came from a small seed of an idea, or otherwise came from time pressures, costume restraints, sleep deprivation and mass consumption of caffeinated products.
This edition: Emma, Lucie, Nuala, Richard, & Sal
“Billy the puppet”
Last Halloween I carried a knife around with me all night and I made 3 members of the public cry, because they were so scared. In a good way. In a very theatrical way…theatrical fear. There was a lot of intense staring, similar to the work of live artist, Marina Abramovic, so it’s kind of inspired by her. “The power of stillness”. It worked and everyone was shit scared. I started in the restaurant area and every time someone stood up to go for a piss I’d replace their space with a knife. Maybe just a butter knife, but it was pretty funny anyway.
I was dressed as a 1940’s train conductor, shining people’s shoes with a proper shoe shining kit. One man wouldn't let me shine his shoes, instead, heavily fuelled with Pilsner he told me he felt awful for me having to shine shoes for a living and told me that if I ever needed a job in recruitment he could GUARENTEE one for me as soon as I wanted. I couldn't bring myself to break character so just thanked him but said shoe shining was a family tradition that I couldn't possibly give up.
“Can’t miss Kiss”
Nuala and I decided to play Australian hardcore KISS fans on 'Rock' night.
We convinced the public that Gene Simmons was going to be appearing upstairs at the Albert Hall- and even got a member of the public to rush through the crowd aided by the security guards with a blanket over his head as we chased after him screaming.
When the crowd realised we had 'missed our chance' to meet our idol, they proceeded to give us endless advice about how to sneak in. One couple in particular, told us how they managed to sneak backstage to an Oasis concert and even had a beer before getting kicked out! They offered to distract the security to get us a chance to get close to Gene! We never told them it was all a performance, but our faith in humanity was restored at the rebellious comradery!
When we first started at Schloss many moons ago, Helen and I, played ‘The Dames’, Tabia and Opia Schloss. We were hosting a ‘band-eoke’ night and belted out ‘Mr Big Stuff’ dressed as 2 daring & darling old women. It was pretty funny & pretty magical. If you were there, you probably won’t ever be able to forget it. I know we won’t.
“Olga de Polga Twins”
We really rinsed ski on the first winter, so on one of many ski themed night’s, Sal and Nuala became the greatest rap twins of the decade. We played two renowned polish rappers, who had a No1 hit that winter called “Slopes on Fire” and spent the whole night bouncing ridiculous slick rhymes off one another, freestyling at guests with impromptu rap about whatever we saw and signing autographs. If there was an opportunity to get a ski slope in Schloss, the twins would have it on fire.
One of the first times we crossed dressed, we wore these horrifically bright purple and pink pumps. At first, I thought they were an awful decision and a horrible mistake. However, they were actually key in making the whole night hilarious. We were as obnoxious and loud as our shoes and spent the night solving crimes, especially in the toilet.
“The Glitter police”
We fashioned the glitter police from seeing too much glitter in the dressing room and having nothing to wear. We already had one sequin jacket, but proceeded to sought out another and accessorised our outfits with police hats and a truncheon. #FASHUN We then went about Schloss, fining people for bad dancing, or for having two left feet, or not having enough fun, not smiling enough, or misbehaving in the bar.
I played a ‘Space Rasta King’ for our Space theme night. I was wearing a hilarious costume which was this massive purple robe. It felt like a curtain and made it very difficult to walk around, but looked magnificent. On this occasion, Helen was the first person who entered the space and it was the first time we did a call & response as part of the introduction with the band. The crowd were completely in it, it was amazing. The response was insane. We all stepped out afterwards and just though, ‘huh- that was something special’. Then we went out and did it three more times. People were so ready to engage and get involved in this insane, beautiful, magical shift. That’s the beauty of it, when you least expect it, you just get hit with this strange energy that takes over the night. It’s a reminder of why we do what we do, as a group of creative people.
The greatest memory of mine at Schloss has to be Halloween 2016, getting in the back of a hearse to carry our ‘henge leader’ to be resurrected and perform an incredible set on the stage that got every single person in the Schloss dancing – dead or alive. The energy that night was unreal and totally unique to the city.
“The Drag King”
Few jobs allow you to stick socks down your trousers, act like a pompous prick of a man and ‘woof’ at every passing female that you see. However, as grotesque I was, I was surprisingly well received and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
“The Astroturf Skirt”
I was supposed to be the embodiment of Spring. Joe has made my waist 20-something inches before, literally stitched me into costumes and his creativity and design flair never fails to impress me. This skirt came from me having no bottom half of my costume, and Joe was just like “I’ve got this piece of turf upstairs?” We gilded all my neck and I was just this spring dream, with the most fabulous astro turf skirt and flowers all over my body. It was just perfect. There is nothing that man cannot do....
20th December 2017
To thank our dearest diners, dancers & partners in debauchery, we’re offering 50% SCHLOFF breakfast, lunch & dinner throughout January to start the New Year as we mean to go on.
Join us by the fire, or up on the tables, for New Year naughtiness, half price feasting and outrageous showtime shenanigans!
DAS FINE PRINT:
AVAILABLE | MON – FRI, ALL DAY
Offer available on bookings between 2nd January - 11th February 2018
Available Mon-Fri at any time
Advance bookings only
Largest group size of 8 people
Not in conjunction with any other offer
Offer available on all food, excludes drinks
Book online for tables for up to 8 people and for larger bookings, please make an enquiry or call us on 0161 833 4040...